Misery is an infection. Deadly and feverish. Like all infections it affects your dispositions and your daily functions. Unlike other infections, misery may probably be a little worse than heart disease or lung cancer because you don’t know which food to avoid or what medicine to resort to in the middle of the night when misery attacks.
"too many heartbreaks in this lifetime ain’t good for me"
-inside and out; feist.
HIndi na naman ako gagradweyt, yet. my case is a complicated story: I am in Law School. and i am just a thesis shy of a full college degree. so there. admittedly, it is my fault. and i am so sorry i failed my mom. this morning all i could do is kneel down and cry. No, thesis, no!
Misery makes you clutch invisible phantoms of hope in the middle of the night while you send out secret litanies of prayers to God. And along with your prayers are desperate attempts to stay around: one more hour, one more day, one more week, one more, one more, one more...
"act naturally. dont let anybody know. dont let your troubles show"
-act naturally; semisonic
And yes, i have been praying again. more than the usual. because i feel so miserable about this thesis. there are nights when i cry myself to sleep. and wonder if there are others out there who are just like me. and i turn to dreaming or clutching cold little pillows tighter. and maybe this is all part of HIS masterplan. i just do hope law school is still in it.
Misery are little deaths to the spirit. Which bit by bit, little by little, unfathomable, ungraspable symptoms of infection consumes you until little do you know it: it has cornered you to a blind edge, face-to-face with the well-known sinister mask of misery.
"i’ve been lying here like a millon years inside my bed. get up, get up, get up"
-whatever it takes; the faders
I thought that this is just one of those days when you wake up in the wrong side of the bed.
I wanna be in comatose.
There is only one cure: all you gotta do is look up, smile–even if little by little you suffer minute deaths. All you gotta do is look UP. If only it was THAT easy.
"I sold my guitar and my piano. I thought that it was these that kept me low. I thought if only I could try and change. That all my pain would be in yesterday" Coffee and Cigarettes; Michelle Featherstone
i turn to people now, and much as i do not like it my lifeline of happiness is in their hands. it’s the little conversations which hold me by a string. it’s the random "hello" from Law School classmates. or the "hey it’s all going to be better" conversations with classmates while walking to Rockwell. it’s the little SMS that says "when you come up here, im going to hug you tighter" it’s the hug from Y!M i got from my sister’s doppelganger.it’s the anonymous comments, its the message from friends that tell me i am pretty back in college, its the little things one holds on too.
No, thesis, no!
I feel so miserable. No, thesis, no! I wanna be in comatose.
these are the days you just wish you are in comatose. or dead. or anywhere between non-existent but not alive.
everything is hopeless. and emo. and dark. and crazy. and all those random swear words we could come up with for days like this one.
~Every day every hour
I wish that I was bullet proof
Thesis is Hell. its very tiring to think or do something which you dont really love. (in this case, existentialism and its influence on literature) damn it. not that it’s any help. its like waking up realizing i wasted my time taking up Language and Literature. and finding out that the reason why i like that course is because of the part where we study society. damn it, i should have shifted to SocSci. and i would have been happy. or something. something that studies more of the society. too bad, its far too late to turn back now.
~the world has folded in your heart…
feel the waves crash down inside…
And they pull me under
and studying Law in the Ateneo has proved to become worse by the second. my classmates are fine. they’re nice. although i ont really have "friends" who i hang out with. i dont really much deal with them because i go home straight from school. because the promise of home is much, much more enticing.
but i think i fvcked up all of my midterms exams. and i feel that i’m never close to smart or industrious as all my classmates are. its getting to be all dragging and sad and sick and crazy and it makes me feel less and less and less…. *sigh* where’s the morale potion when you need it?
Where’s that "Switch-Off Button" when you need it?
a repost from sugarhouses
"Ten Reasons why Gay Marriage is Wrong"
1. Being gay is not natural. People always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Repost this if you think Love makes a marriage.
it’s always these Language and Literature girls who makes me shiver down my spine. who drives me crazy. (eff it don’t they even have ugly angles?) because i turn out to be one. or these models he has fawned for? and mostly because i always thought, these girls who have a knack for conversation will fall for him. Or maybe it’s just me, who had always thought he IS wonderful.
and what can i offer him besides the thought that we have shared bus seat and fare? or warm random skin during summer nights? or thoughts or travel to the sea? and boat rides? and long conversations and arguments about religion, poetry and lack of conversation?
i am never pretty as these girls. and you can not always see brilliance from across the room.
fvck it, he’s fvcking charming. and like what they have always said when you love a man more beautiful than you are: you turn mad. and love is some sort of madness.
these girls they drive me insecure. I’m not even half as beaufiul as him. or the girls he’s surrounded with. and the advantage that they have is that they are an arm’s length away. and they could always make him fall, the way i did.
but i swear, if it ever comes down to it: you know it’s going to get fatal for them.