It scares me how happy I am today. It is like there is a joke waiting to be thrown at me by the universe because I am this happy.

This is how happy I am: I trip over myself on the way to work, face down, knees against the pavement and all I did was smile. I have unblocked everyone I have blocked in Facebook and I am not the least bit bothered when I see them in the news feed. I am all happy that I have started working so early in the morning. I lost my phone the other day, in UP Diliman, but I was too busy smiling I could not even bother too much on being pissed.

I woke up really worried this morning, I contacted my family because I was worried. They are all right, safe and tucked in their beds when they got my message. After that, the contentment kicked in.

It is scary how happy I am today. It scares me because I feel selfish for being this happy. It feels as if I do not deserve to be this happy, which scares me because once you get this high on being happy, the descending flight would only be as high and as hurtful.

I am happy because of Sagada from last weekend. It is exactly what I needed in my life considering how bad the last few months had been.

Since June, I lost more than 7 pounds (without even doing some exercise), visited the hospital more times than I did last year, cried a grand total of 6 nights in a row (and other nights in between), got my heart broken 2 times in a row, held on to another secret, problems, problems and more problems. I was depressed that I actually suffered some form of deppression and Fibromyalgia.

Some random reasons I am happy today:

• I saw my dear friend, Joy Camille, the other week (before I went to Sagada. It is surprising how much being around friends can heal you.
• Sagada was magical, I tell you. I slept a grand total of 6 hours the entire weekend and I still had the sun shining from every pore of my body.
• My favorite sister, that who is not my twin, is doing well in school. I feel so proud of this, her and us. She told me her angel’s name is Caramel. It is comforting how often we get to talk these days–considering she does not live with us.
• My brother will be moving to a different job on Monday, which means I will get to see more of him. More dinners with him and Di, instead of lonely dinners in the company of my dog.
• My favorite twin sister and I spent the weekend in Sagada and you know how that goes.
• I have met a lot of cool people, from the Alpha Camera Club, all of them humbles me when I am in their presence. You should have seen the photos these guys take: humbling and brilliant, and will make you at a loss for words. Even something as simple as a pair of slippers will make you say: “HOLY WOW that IS BRILLIANT”

A friend of mine told me that this is a metaphor for a new life: That I should start weeding out the people in my life and make room for new ones who will do me some good.

I guess all I really wanted to say is that I am thankful. Thankful and scared that I am this happy. I do not want to refuse it, you take what is given to you and when it is this wonderful, you give thanks.(You know what this means, child, you are thankful so go to church.)

Perhaps I will pic spam in a few days. When I get their lovely photos.